If you guys have read this blog at all, then you know that my love-life is pretty much a s*&t show (keeping it clean, cause all-ages blog). Well, unfortunately, that trend continues.
However, this last experience was not without its revelations. Quick recap, dated a guy for five months. We were not exclusive. We agreed to this. I don’t date more than one person at a time, but I did continue to visit my dating profile occasionally since not being exclusive yet was important to him. He waited a very long time before meeting my daughter and some of my friends. When this finally did happen, I thought it was a sign that we were moving forward. I mean, a guy that was super cautious about hurting my daughter’s feelings wouldn’t meet her and then break things off, right? Wrong.
This time around I didn’t give my heart to him. I held off since he was holding off. So, I practiced some self-protection this time. His reasons were kind of all over the place, so I never got a concrete, “This is why I am doing the thing.” from him as to why the breaking off of things. But from what I can best discern is, that he just didn’t want to be around me anymore because of my enthusiasm for nerdy things.
As per usual, I began to gather all the things that were “wrong” about me, and why I was getting dumped into neat little piles of baggage that were now mine to lug around. After all, I wasn’t “good enough”. I wasn’t “right”. He even said, “You’re great, but…” So, I thought, “Well, serves me right. I shouldn’t have been so enthusiastic about my hobbies. I shouldn’t have asked him to go to the movies with me so much. I should have dressed differently around him.” So, I lug these bags to the vault and open it and realize something. Holy crap! There’s nothing but cobwebs and dust in here! I forgot I emptied this out a long time ago! Do I really want to fill it up again?
The answer was, “No.”
I realized that all the things that he saw as “wrong” were exactly what is right about me. I have a hobbies that I adore. I have a tribe of friends that I also adore. I’m crazy excited about movies. I like dressing the way I do. It took me a long time to find my style. I’ll be damned if you think I’m gonna ditch it now! I have a house that I pay for and take care of myself. I have a great kid that is going to rule the world, you’ll see! I handle my own s*&t.
I honestly think that all the confidence and comfort on my part, made him feel bad about himself on his part. There is literally nothing I can do to help someone like that. I can thank him, though. Thank him for giving me the opportunity to take a quick inventory of my life. I’m good, thanks for asking!
Love, Kim and Scout